3/21/05 RM Newsletter: Caught in the Angst

Today's Quote: "But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." Isaiah 53:5


Welcome, spring! It’s finally here…although you’d hardly know it in my neck of the woods. Freezing cold all day Sunday—with rain drizzles destroying plans for outside recreation and overnight snow flurries prohibiting the much-anticipated meltdown of lingering accumulation—it feels every bit as “winter” as it has for these last long several months. Yet because spring is officially here, I’m caught between the desire for celebrating its freshness and vitality, with the inescapable resignation that shoveling snow is, indeed, still part of our everyday reality.


Such is Holy Week. Caught in the angst between celebrating the Resurrection at Easter, yet feeling overpowered with remembrance of the grief of Good Friday, my internal struggle, as a Christian, is palpable.


Even though nature cannot hide the fact that, despite what the calendar claims, it is not quite ready for spring—bulbs still hide underground, after all—commercial forces ensure that we are fully enlivened with spring’s tokens: jelly beans, fluffy chicks, and furry bunnies abound! Spring’s vibrant-colored linens have replaced winter’s darkly-colored varieties at bed and bath stores; patio furniture has replaced fireplace grills at home improvement centers; and boxes trimmed in flowers and bunnies clad in cellophane have replaced all vestiges of Valentine’s Day chocolates at candy shops across the country.


I had the distinct pleasure of sharing a brief respite from the dreariness of our New England weather with an afternoon stroll through a local garden center on Sunday with a friend. The bunnies were out in full force; they’ve never looked cuter. What, with arms cradling flower-laden baskets, backpacks yielding carrots, and perfectly-held necks fashioning bonnets: they brought festivity to the day in unparalleled style. Standing next to wicker baskets overflowing with fresh hyacinths, pansies, daffodils and tulips, the mood signaled celebration, creation, and joy. Being a sucker for both fresh flowers and adorable bunnies; I couldn’t escape without both tucked securely in my bag. The visual—and olfactory—stimulations were practically intoxicating, and the leisurely stroll was “just what the doctor ordered.”


But it’s not about the bunnies. Even though they’ll take up inordinate amounts of tabletop real estate in my own home during these next few weeks, and as much as they lift me out of the doldrums of winter and into the sublime of spring: the fertility properties of bunnies (which brought them to the forefront of imaginative celebrations of generations before us in the first place) have little to do with the days ahead of us this week.


During Holy Week, we move—day by day—from sadness to enthusiasm. From the valley of darkness to the tunnel of light. We glide past struggle and hold onto hope. We endure suffering only to embrace healing.


Such is the power of the Resurrection. This most important day in the liturgical year for Christians around the world requires that we shift our attention to the supreme act of Jesus, our Christ. After remembering the agony on Good Friday, we celebrate the resurgent power of the Resurrection on Easter.


But it entails conflict.


I’ve been unusually conflicted lately. Perhaps it’s because it’s just that time of year; the Lenten season typically has this effect on me. Perhaps it’s because our son is battling a life-threatening disease; my equilibrium is thrown off, what with long treks to the chemo clinic and my house falling to pieces in my absence. Perhaps it’s because I have too many dangling threads hanging over my head; unanswered questions can, indeed, tangle the synapses.


We’re supposed to be unusually conflicted during Holy Week. We’re supposed to both confront sorrow and celebrate victory. We’re supposed to both share in Christ’s struggle and find joy in His saving grace.


Yet most of us despise conflict, and aggressively seek ways to escape its discomfort.


However tempting it is to focus your energies all week on Easter Sunday: on resurrection, renewal, and celebration; …allow yourself time to sort out the conflict of Maundy Thursday and Good Friday. To focus on the agony. For as you grow more fully aware of the sacrifice that Jesus made on your behalf, you will gain immeasurable joy at the power of the Resurrection. It is the Resurrection which gives us light and power in our lives. It provides us with the ever-present realization of God in our lives, this day as much as that day two thousand years ago. It is the Resurrection which provides the power that drives and the power that saves.


But it came with a price.


So go on decorating with bunnies and splurging on flowers; indulging on marshmallow chicks and dark chocolate eggs. Easter is a time for celebration, to be sure. But allow yourself—this week—to internalize the conflict of the cross. Holy Week is one time of year where your internal struggle should be palpable. When you should be caught in the angst. For we cannot get to Easter, after all, without coming to grips with Good Friday.


Blessings!


Carolina


A Nick Note

Nick endured two days of chemo this week to emerge feeling good, albeit a little bit drained. Never complaining, never fussing: he has been a champion! He'll try out for the varsity tennis team at his high school today, following doctor's orders--as well as his own desire--to get and keep those endorphins swirling throughout his healing body! As always, we covet your prayers for his complete and total healing.

------------------------------------------------------------

A Quick Note

Need a shot in the arm to "keep on keepin' on?" Take Arnold Schwarzenegger's advice (with a Rocket Mom twist) by reading my recent article, "It's All About Reps." Copy and paste the following link in your browser window: http://www.leonieslight.org/view_article.asp?id=246.